In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least gives you something better to do than be the eleventy-billionth person to jump on the yoga bandwagon.

This week's Ragnet takes us to Pattison Lake in Thurston County.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

This job isn't as easy as it looks. Believe it or not, there are challenges - and not just the challenges associated with beating the pre-employment drug screening. It's not all fun and games here at Ragnet.

For instance, often we're handed the always-tricky task of making fun of stuff that, on many levels, just isn't very funny.

This week offers a good example.

According to reports in the Olympian, Kevin James Stark was arrested Thursday, May 5, after allegedly attacking a 16-year-old girl as she walked on a trail in the woods near Pattison Lake. The reports indicate the girl, who suffered a concussion and minor cuts and bruises, was struck in the back of the head by her attacker. Stark, who the girl later identified and who she says was "sitting cross legged on the ground" before he jumped her, was being held as of Friday at the Thurston County Jail with a $500,000 bail on suspicion of second-degree assault with sexual motivation.

It doesn't take a funny-ologist to know there's nothing very humorous about any of that.

However, according to the same reports, the girl was able to stave off her pitiful pursuer using time-tested karate skills. Despite the serious nature of the story, this is where there's a bit of humor to be found.

According to the girl's father, interviewed by the Olympian for a story the paper ran on May 7, she's been a student at Lacey's Academy of Brian Johnson Karate for the last month or so, and the skills she's acquired during that time helped her to fight off her attacker. According to reports, the girl kicked her attacker "furiously" in the groin before she took off running to a friend's house - where 911 was called.

Brian Johnson Karate - for those about to kick ass, we salute you.

Shortly after the 911 call, police responded to the area. With the help of a K-9 unit authorities quickly located Stark's wallet in the area of the attack. The area was also strewn with pages ripped from a pornographic magazine.

After finding his wallet deputies went to Stark's mother's home, where Stark was apprehended. He allegedly told deputies he'd been in the area drinking beer and claimed to have lost his coat and identification in the area. Stark told cops he found the porno-mag pages.

According to the story in the Olympian, citing police reports, Stark's mother didn't seem shocked by the allegations facing her son, reportedly saying, "that's disgusting," and "he knows better than that." - Charles Norris, Karate Related Crime Correspondent