In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least gives you something to do other than hang out at the Halloween Store in August.
This week's column takes us to Washington, Oregon, Montana and California - following criminally poor taste all the way.
Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll
A time-honored tradition for both law enforcement and media types who follow crime is bestowing nicknames upon wanted crooks. What would the world be without the Cell Phone Bandit, or Jimmy the Weasel or The Boozing Barber?
The answer: no fun at all.
That's why there was no choice when 47-year-old licensed nurse practitioner Cynthia Van Holland, donning a string of particularly horrid wigs, allegedly started robbing banks.
Something had to be done. A nickname was in order.
And the "Bad Hair Bandit" was born.
According to published reports in the News Tribune's "Lights & Sirens" blog, authorities arrested Van Holland and her husband Monday, Aug. 15 in California - not long after a bank robbery in the area. Police say Van Holland's husband (the two were married in March) is suspected of acting as a getaway driver, and that Van Holland is believed to have been involved in a total of 20 bank robberies, stretching from Washington to Oregon, Montana and California ... wearing a bad wig for each. The Trib's "Lights & Sirens" post, penned by Stacey Mulick, indicates local law enforcement believes Holland is responsible for seven bank robberies or attempted heists in Pierce County, starting with a Dec. 22 robbery in Tacoma and ending with a robbery on April 9. Her hair crimes have yet to be officially tallied, but are believed to be significant.
However, more interesting than the bank jobs police say Van Holland is responsible for (and perhaps even the hair utilized during said heists) is her profession. Mulick's Trib blog post details Van Holland's career as a contract nurse in the Bethel School District, where she was employed at the beginning of her alleged bank-robbing spree. According to Mulick, citing Bethel School District spokeswoman Krista Carlson, Van Holland was employed as a nurse with the district from September 2010 to March 2011, moving around to different schools. The Trib's post indicates Van Holland worked primarily at Camas Prairie Elementary, interacting directly with students. Prior to employment Van Holland was subject to a background check, which revealed no "red flags" according to Mulick's "Lights & Sirens" post. Carlson tells the Trib she didn't know of any complaints against Van Holland during her time working in the Bethel School District, and there is no information available as to why Van Holland stopped working in the district in March.
Other than the assumed explanation ... to rob banks.
Wearing bad wigs.
(Interestingly, Van Holland was actually employed by a Georgia-based healthcare staffing agency the Bethel School District subcontracts with for nursing services - Soliant Health. Here's guessing the company's motto [Soilant/Soylent?] is not ... Soliant Health: "It's PEOPLE.") - Jimmy "The Hack" Henderson, Wig-Related Crime Correspondent