If you've never attended a military funeral, you should know that like everything else in the military, the proceedings are very uniform and strictly regulated. There are some subtle differences between military branches, and also depending on the veteran's rank and how they died, but they all follow the same basic order of ceremonies. The flag-draped casket arrives at the cemetery where it's carried to the gravesite by a six-person honor guard. A chaplain reads a brief committal address. ("Ashes to ashes, dust to dust ... ") The honor guard holds the flag taut above the casket while a seven-person firing party fires three volleys - a traditional "21 gun salute" - and a bugler plays "Taps." Two members of the honor guard then ceremonially fold the flag into a triangle and the highest ranking officer in the honor guard - typically a member of the same branch as the deceased - presents the flag to the veteran's spouse or next of kin with a salute and tells them: "On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States (Army, Marine Corps, Navy, Air Force or Coast Guard), and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service."

That's it. The chaplain doesn't write a tailored sermon for the bereaved. The members of the honor guard don't share any amusing anecdotes about the deceased. The firing party doesn't console the mourners. While a military funeral grants the veteran all the respect that they deserve, it lacks any of the cathartic elements that funerals were intended for in the first place. In many cases, none of the military personnel performing the funeral even knew the deceased. And according to Tony Goiburn, that's why many veterans' families opt to memorialize their deceased loved ones privately. "In a military funeral, there's no reception. The family doesn't get to talk to the veteran's friends or cry on their shoulders or anything like that," Goiburn said. According to Goiburn, Director of Customer Care at OM Stone, the Oregon-based stone-crafting firm responsible for the civilian-initiated Oregon Vietnam Veterans Memorial and the Oregon World War II Veterans Memorial, some families of deceased veterans have opted for private memorializing throughout the company's nearly 70-year history, but the phenomenon only came to the forefront in the aftermath of the Vietnam War. Given the well-known and myriad tensions and lingering resentment between the military, civilian and political sectors following that and some subsequent military conflicts, it's understandable why some veteran's families would opt to break from tradition when paying their last respects.

Here in Pierce County, Mountain View Funeral Home provides alternative private funeral arrangements for military personnel while still affording them the honor and dignity of a military funeral. Here, family and friends can freely exchange their funny, heartwarming and tear-jerking memories, be each other's crying shoulders and celebrate the life of the deceased. Yes, they're veterans; but before they ever enlisted, they were - and still are - loved ones.